To: All Texas Principles From: State Board of Educashun Subject: Potentuall cirikulum chanjes There has been a lot of diskussions about Texas textbooks, or Texbooks, as we members of the State Board of Education, or SBOE, like to joke. This is especially tru since we adopted new books in 2010. Now we are considering making chanjes to those books. Recently, a group of commies, the Texas Freedom Network, again criticized us for our adoption of texts which they say or full of factual erors. Look, they are a bunch of university professors, historians and famed academix, so what do they know? They don’t like the books’ favorable mention of the National Rifle Association. If anyone in America ought to know about semi-automatic rifles, laws that allow crazies to buy them and who’s … [Read more...] about Reading, ‘Riting and Ranting
THE STREET CORNER -- There are two interesting looking people standing across the street. Both are wearing cowboy outfits right out of Gene Autry or Roy Rogers, complete with huge hats, fringe vests, boots and even spurs. They approach me. “Howdy, pard,” says one. “Yippy-yi-yo and get along doggy little.” I don’t know how to reply. The other one speaks up. “I am Billy Ralph Pecos and this is Tex Spindletop. We from Amarillo, here to learn more of your local elections. Like how to vote, who votes and how to, uh, fix ballot boxes to make it easier. We want to work with grassroots organizations.” “You came to the right place,” I say. “Texas consistently finishes last among the states in voter participation. We don’t vote because most of our politicians are either third-rate hacks or … [Read more...] about The Spies of Texas
THE TV – I am watching a Senate hearing in which the heads of all our intelligence and anti-intelligence operations – spooks, generals and admirals with more stars than the Hollywood Walk – flatly testify that Russia had influenced our last presidential election in favor of Donald Trump. At which point Sen. Angus King of Maine, an Independent and a guy I really like, asks why our own President has never said so. Indeed, our President won’t even enforce sanctions against Russia that Congress has approved almost unanimously. An interesting question, and the more conspiratorial among us would wonder just what has Vladimir Putin got on Donald Trump? There are all sorts of rumors going around about tapes made in Moscow hotel rooms, kinky women (Trump and women? Nah!) and business deals with … [Read more...] about Putin’s Puppets
SAN ANTONIO – Here we are, morning at an outdoor café along the town’s River Walk. The sky is blue, the temperature is 75, the flowers are in bloom and, right on key, here come both a barge full of tourists and a waiter with my Bloody Mary. Just like Buffalo Bayou. Well, not exactly, but how many times have you heard totally clueless residents or out-of-towners say, “Why can’t Buffalo Bayou be turned into something like San Antonio’s River Walk?” Well, why can’t the Astrodome be turned into the world’s largest sauna? Just open the doors in August. Why can’t the Texans stay healthy? The easy answer is simply: Harvey, but that 500-year flood only hits every three years, right? Let’s start here in San Antonio, or Santone. The river got here before the town. San Antonio’s history began in … [Read more...] about A river runs through it?
To our stockholders: It is time once again for our annual report from the Sludge Energy Co., and a good report it is. As your CEO, COO and CFO, I can assure you that your investment with this firm is in good hands. Oh, sure, like every company in the oil, gas and nuclear power industry we have had our ups and downs. This past year was mostly down, but expect a quick turnaround as soon as the SEC, not to mention the FAA and FEC, complete their silly investigations. Our former treasurer has turned state’s evidence, his bookkeeper is under the Federal Witness Protection Program and our auditor has disappeared, along with last quarter’s earnings. I think we can safely say that it’s the fault of the liberal media. This brings us to the current political situation. As you know, I have been a … [Read more...] about Over Lock, Stock and Barrel