To: Xi Jinping President People's Republic of China From: Bubba Wang Your Man in Houston Re: Operation Burning Barrels Comrade Xi, as you may have seen on CNN, we were given 72 hours to close down our consulate in Houston because of fake news that this installation is, in the words of Texas U.S. Senator Ted Cruz, “a spy hub for the Chinese Communist Party.” Cruz only gave up his Canadian citizenship when he ran for the Senate, so what does he know? This sudden expulsion is odd, since the People’s Republic has five consulates in the U.S. and we were the very first one. Houston, with our help, even hosted one of your predecessors, Deng Xiaoping, in February of 1969. He was treated to a rodeo in Simonton and was given a ten-gallon cowboy hat, which he put on. We understand he … [Read more...] about The spies of Texas
MY PC – If you Google, you can find these photos taken around July 4, 1913, the 50th reunion of soldiers on both sides who fought at Gettysburg. Some are in their uniforms, blue or gray, with medals. They are aging gray beards, a few with only one leg or a single arm, smiling for joint photos or kneeling in the dirt drawing maps of where they were on July 1 through 3, 1863. They seem to be getting along, considering that 50 years prior, which would be 1970 for us today, they were trying to kill one another. Obviously they didn’t, but we can only wonder what they would think of us. Maybe they would say, “Did any of you pedestal-pullers ever put on a uniform?” or, “It’s about time.” So let us discuss Eskimos, what Beaumont needs and why quoting a Viking can get you in trouble. Let’s start … [Read more...] about What’s in a name?
Dear Readers, We here at the Daily Dud always appreciate hearing from you, unless it’s a brick through our front window. That’s why we publish your letters, but due to the current toxic atmosphere, especially against the press, we have decided not to let your often erroneous charges go unanswered. So with that caveat, we now run this issue of Letters to the Editor, which is more pleasing than our original title, Bulletin Board for the Village Idiots. Editor, Your commie-inspired article on the dangers of directly injecting Clorox into your body to cleanse it of COMIT-19 runs counter to observations by my wife, MarthaSue, and me. We tried injecting Clorox this morning and MarthaSue is just fine, although she is taking a nap in the front yard. I, too, am feeling just great and….the room, … [Read more...] about Take me to your letter
You are, right this minute, taking part in a shrinking pursuit: reading a newspaper. This also means you are intelligent, curious and well-educated. Now, everyone knows that newspapers are in trouble. We know that because we read it in the newspapers. But how bad is it? Penelope Muse Abernathy, a North Carolina U. journalism professor, recently released a report called “The Expanding News Desert,” a look at the industry’s decline from 2004 through 2019. The report does not cover the coronavirus economic disaster, which has led to 50 newspapers across the country shutting down. Also lost: a chain of 14 community newspapers around Chicago, according to the Poynter Institute think tank. Among Abernathy’s findings: The number of newspapers in the United States declined from 8,891 in … [Read more...] about Suffering from poor circulation
THE RESTAURANT – The line of cars is moving rapidly. I pull up, give the attendant my name and credit card, if it hasn’t been revoked, pick up my order and depart. If only the State of Texas ran so smoothly during this pandemic. Are you confused? I am. Take this restaurant, for example. First, Gov. Greg Abbott refused to close anything, then he closed all restaurants and bars, on May 1 the Guv opened them to 25 percent capacity, then 50 percent (or maybe it was the other way around), then closed them again, except in February, which has 28 days, except this is a Leap Year. Restaurant tables are to be 6 feet apart, but if you sit at a table you take up 2 feet and so does the person sitting at the table behind you, thus you are more like 2 feet apart. If that guy leans backyards and coughs … [Read more...] about Who was that unmasked man?